Asrar El Banat: The Male Dictionary

Every time I come across this I find it utterly hilarious, and absolutely true! And it still amazes me that even though us women know exactly what men mean when they say any of this stuff, we still pretend to believe them!

"Woman driver!"
Really means....
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means....
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means....
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really mean....
Absolutely nothing.
It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea."
Really means....
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"
Really means....
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means....
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind.
"Really means....
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means....
"Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means....
"I remember the theme song to F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I do help around the house."
Really means....
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means....
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"I missed you."
Really means....
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means....
"No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means....
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"I broke up with her."
Really means....
"She dumped me."

(While shopping) "I like that one better."
Really means…
"Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!"

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
Really means…
"I liked it better before."

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
Really means…
"$50 and it doesn't look that much different!"

"What's wrong?"
Really means…
"What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?"

Posted by Asrar El Banat on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 at 2:58 PM | Permalink